Previously on the Bachelorette, 25 single men travelled to Los Angeles to battle for the affections of one woman. Little did they know that this adventure in love was going to take them around the world to Thailand "the perfect place for a person to fall in love" (wink wink). How could you not, from the constant rain to more rain and then a bunch of 1000 ruins that you aren't allowed to kiss in front of, what could be more romantic? Paris, New York, Hawaii, the local water treatment plant...
Thankfully us the viewers, all of the locals where the Bachelors are sequestered to drink for days on end also serve as train stations for the inevitable train wreck that is ensuing. I heard that this is the worst season yet, and while that may be true (honestly I don't know, I don't pay "that" much attention to it) it has quickly become great fodder to laugh at and not with, yes William I'm looking at you, such the awesome guy. Not only did you make the woman that your "competing" for cry because you said what we were all thinking (we wish the Bachelorette had been one of the other women) but you took an insecure women and cut her down to the 4 foot height that she is, well played sir.
But I'll get to more on Sir William a little bit later, first lets meet our Bachelorette the insecure dentist from Maine (oh yes I watched last year too!) who hopelessly has her head so far up Bentley's ass that she could examine his teeth from the inside. You know who she reminds me of, that chick that was on Millionaire Matchmaker that went out with the super hot guy and was promising to buy him a motorcycle and other stuff, yes Ashley is that desperate for love, well not love, how about attention, yeah that's the word for it.
If she wasn't enough of a basket case last season from the moment in the hot tub (oh crap I was paying lots of attention last year wasn't I?) where she questioned Brad's motives, we should have known then that she was mental. And I'm sorry no amount of hair color is going to change that (looked better as a blond too, and I don't like blonde's, that's saying a lot). So here we are 5 or so weeks into the season half way around the world and all we get to hear is how much she really misses Bentley.
Honestly I am starting to really like Bentley right about now, why? Because without him we'd just get crap like we've gotten to watch the last two weeks, a failed romance on a show that has become a broken premise. Where the couple is probably already broken up by the time the show airs. But with Bentley we get to see the stupidity of a helplessly insecure woman pining over a guy that essentially played her for the fool that she is. If anything Ashley should be a lesson to any young girl out there watching this that there are just some guys that are looking to play you. What is worst is that ABC rather than let her off the hook by showing her the videos of Bentley saying that he was playing her, they let the drama play out in a sick way just to punish this poor girl in the hopes to get more ratings. And you thought that Disney was a nice company, shame on you (ABC is owned by Disney if you were unaware).
So next week we got a quick preview of Ashley having to contain herself from jumping into bed with Bentley right then and there in Hong Kong as I'm sure that he will tell her what he was really thinking. Why would he be honest now? I'm sure that it's a deal with ABC, he gets a trip to Hong Kong and gets to let his infamy grow so that he can be a special villain on Bachelor pad (oh wow do I pay attention to this set of shows). At which time Chris Harrison can stop looking annoyed at Ashley and the guys can start rejecting roses from her once she comes clean with them.
And seriously why wouldn't they reject a rose from this bimbo (yes that is the correct term, I looked it up). She obviously has no interest in any of the guys outside of wanting to be the center of their attention. There is no chemistry between her or any of the guys because she has spent so much time thinking about Bentley (aaahhhhhhhhhhh, Bentley......) And to top it off, as Jen and I were talking, she's not ready for a relationship anyway, she is focused on her career and too worried about having fun rather than settling down (again, see last season). If you ask me she's basically one step up from stripper pole dancer, where the back story is that Daddy didn't love her enough and she does it so that she can feel special from other men.
But I could go on about Ashley for ages, instead let's get to the meat of the episode last night...
First off the date with the Elephant whisperer, who had about as much personality as his J Crew red and blue stripped shorts. Wasn't it so cute how they kind of matched outfits? Anyway nothing was saying romance like walking around in the flea market shopping for tourist bargains and street Thai food. The best moment of the date being where they were posed in front of some ancient temple but weren't allowed to kiss because it was taboo. Ok seriously ABC this is where you are tripping over yourself to try and make something out of nothing. The goal of the shot was to make it look like there was some built up sexual tension between the two of them, instead what we got was an awkward conversation about the weather (ok maybe it wasn't about the weather, but were you really paying attention at that point either?). The date mercifully ending in the middle of a neat flower arrangement with the two of them kissing and some guy spitting fire. I guess that this was supposed to be the firey release of all that tension from the day. Seriously ABC, just stop your embarrassing yourself here.
Date 2, the group date...
"Gentlemen, welcome to fight club" man would I have loved to have seen Tyler Durden pop out and start making soap (sorry had to reassert some masculinity), I'm sure Ames saw him anyway, probably told the doctor that he fell down some stairs. Ok enough with the Fight Club jokes, they were for me.
My question with the whole boxing thing was, why? Was it to make it look like they were fighting over Ashley, if so wouldn't you volunteer to get your ass kicked? Or was it to make them look like manly men? Or just to put one of the guys in pink shorts to get a couple quick jokes? Honestly there wasn't another color than Pink in the whole rainbow?
"Why do I have to be Mr. Pink?" - Reservoir Dogs
My guess is that the whole thing was kind of a set up where at least one of them was going to get hurt and ABC knew it. The question being how would Ashley respond to the guy that got hurt, would she rush to his bedside to see if he was ok? Uh nope, bye Ames, I have all these other guys to go spend time with who are concious. Was it to see if she was going to be attracted to the "toughest" guy there? Didn't really matter anyway, the whole time the blood sport was going on all she could think about was Bentley anyway. So go ahead guys beat the crap out of each other, she "really cares"...
The best three moments on the rest of the date were. One when Ashley was feeling bad for some reason and Ryan decided that it was a great time to just talk about himself, now I see why she likes him. Two when Ames shows up and looks like he just landed on another planet, that was great. And Third when she game the rose to the first guy that said he needed reassurance, and not the guy that was sent to the hospital, classy!
And finally the 2 on 1 date, since they already stole my Mad Max joke, I guess I can't make another one. Let's just call this date what it was douches for elephants, which honestly might have been more interesting (note to self hit up youtube to test that theory... I'm kidding, I'll use justin.tv =) ). Right out of the gate Sir William tells Ashley that the other guy (don't know his name or care) was talking about looking into online dating when he got back after the show. Instantly she gets up and tells the other guy that the date is over and that he's taking the first raft back to the states. Way to go Ashley, I'm sure he was a douche, but you didn't even talk to him, classy!
Later on you kind of knew what was coming, Sir William being the awesome uneducated cell phone salesman that he is was feeling pretty awesome for himself. Right up until Ashley decided that she was changing service providers (ok that was cheesy).
In the end it's sad that JP and Ames seem to actually like Ashley, why is beyond me, but hey someone for everyone right. And since those guys seem pretty cool, hopefully for them they will find what they are looking for.
Until next week (oh yeah I might just have to keep this up, hell I'm watching this train wreck anyway) stay classy!
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